For over 13 years I have woke up every morning vomiting violently and uncontrollably. Today I found a name for this demon. CVS. The demon keeping me from being able to take care of my 5 year old; the demon that keeps me from holding down a job. Doctors tell me its IBS but I know better, others with IBS dont experience what I go through. I found that hot water, THC/ CBD and anything antianxiety help. Thank God for finding someone out there who knows what this is and that can relate….
This, Inside, feeling it slowly eating me away-
this, the pain I suffer from each and everyday.
My stomache aches severely, my insides like fire burn,
every day I live like this yet everyday I learn.
but to learn to smile with this curse,
and to feel it inside-just getting worse.
Through this hell Inside me, I keep that smile on my face,
I found the one and only thing that happiness can’t erase.
My worried mind is racing, my heart is beating fast.
I grip the walls around me, waiting for this “sick spell” to pass.
I feel like Ive had the flu…for over 15 years
…to think of my body slowly shutting down…is one of my biggest fears.
I think about ending it, what it would be like…
To live with no more pain, to let my body give up this fight.
Then I think of what that would mean, what I would have to do…
But yet I still consider it?….If this pain they even knew.
Most people talk about aches and pains, and your body going to shit,
but its usually the old and grey who’ve taken a lifetime of hits
Not for a single mom, 26 and on her own…
taking care of a little man who you’d guess is already grown.
His smile makes me reconsider, every thought I’ve ever had,
and even when he’s cranky and mean, even when I’m mad…
I still look in his big brown eyes, ask for God’s strength in every day,
I just want a normal life, and for this pain to go away.