IVANA’S PERSONAL STORY

My story starts in July 2020, after miscarriage and 3 additional unsuccessful IVFs, I suddenly started having diarrhea 5-6 times every day for 3 weeks in a row. After 3 weeks I had appointment with GI, did all fecal tests which turned negative and was prescribed with probiotics and antispasmodic. Situation settled down for couple of weeks and then it started again. In October 2020. I decided to go to colonoscopy and check also for microscope colitis, all results turned back normal. For almost a year I had relatively normal bowel movements, sometimes with constipation (which were the most lucky days in my life) but as of September 2021. things got worse again with loose stools or diarrhea almost on daily basis. It happened when we decided to go to IVF with donor egg and I didn’t manage to synchronize my cycle with her. Anyway we got 9 embryos that are frozen but in this state of mind I am not even able to think about it. The only thing which helps in most of the cases is Loperamide which I am aware is not recommended to be taken every day on long term basis, but it is the only medicine that makes me feel comfortable walking around without fear. Meantime, I went to another GI doctor (both are professors but I wanted the second opinion), he did additional test on celiac disease, pancreatic elastase and some auto immune diseases, regular blood check, everything came back normal. I asked for MRI or additional test, and was told it was not necessary and that anything is suspicious he would be the first to check it additionally. I did all test in private hospital, so they can only benefit from my additional tests since I am paying full amount (not covered by any kind of insurance). I went on abdomen ultrasound where they found nothing again and the only suggestion I got is to calm down, relax, accept and enjoy life. I am 40, no weight loss, no blood, but I cannot accept this condition. Despite being on antidepressants and benzodiazepines, I am mentally completely destroyed. I cannot stop thinking that they missed something and that I have much more serious illness undetected. This is strongly affecting my private life with my partner, social life with my family and friends and the only thing I wanna do is to lay down in dark room and sleep. Waking up is such a stressful for me, thinking about toilet and what is going to happen there. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks since 2006. with long periods without it, had one major depression episode and developed hypochondria after my miscarriage. I feel miserable, loosing all hope and do not know how to continue. This is just a nightmare and I do not see exit from it.

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